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Life in Hell

The most brilliant people--recognized or unrecognized geniuses--I have met, read, and admired don't hate God, their parents or the world, nor do they harbor disdain people at all (save maybe for rich people--that particular kind of rich people). They don't conform to any of the stereotypes portrayed in the cartoon in the first image, and despite an acute awareness of all that's wrong with the world, their kind eyes do not judge and do not scorn.  Now there may be people who do in fact match up more or less to these descriptions and ones like it by Matt Groening, but I wonder what bitterness in his heart led to such an unlearned, general critique of Modernity.

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Special Comment on the Statement on Inclusiveness and Sexual Orientation

What follows is a special comment on the status of homosexual students at Saint Anselm College following the recent Statement on Inclusiveness and Sexual Orientation.  It is likely that the four months and 1200 miles that separate me from graduating from Saint Anselm give me the candor to write this, for I discuss topics I found made me squirm in my seat during my time there; I know I was not alone when I found the topic of homosexuality taboo at Saint Anselm.  As far as the title of this blog entry goes, I find that titles are best left to friends, admirers, and antagonists, as mine tend to be absurdly dull and/or literal.  If this is actually read by anyone, feel free to leave in a comment a suggestion for a better title, in addition to any positive or negative feedback.  

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up in our bedroom, after the war

 it’s a challenge to find my words again these days. i’m choking on my own sentence structure and hoping to find some kind of catharsis in my functioning juxtaposition. it’s doubtful; i’m trying too hard.

it’s hard coming to terms with how willing and ready absence is to jump right in and make the gaping holes a little bigger. we both coughed up a little truth and a little resentment and what i interpreted as a whole lotta love and whole lotta pain. we kissed and oh yes, it was real. we waited until the sun rose and the alcohol slept and we drove home and ate steak cubes in bed. we rested the entire sunday away. i needed to be unconscious and hushed in your arms. that’s all i desperately needed.

3:52am Honest Statement of Purpose

I started my statement of purpose too sterile, a poor reflection of my personality. It was formulaic, written too concisely, and I could not present the true value of philosophy in such a way. There was a change in my heart. It is this statement of purpose which may make or break me, and, if it is to break me, then my philosophical pursuits may truly be best exhibited outside further classroom walls.
I took a break from the application process to listen to some music. I decided to play Beethoven’s 7th Symphony. For me, philosophy is only truly found in questions of Being, questions of Subjectivity and Truth, the Metaphysical and Aesthetic pursuits. These were the thoughts running through my head as I listened to Beethoven’s 7th.

Ah fun with it

How foolish was I all those days ago to think that I'd miss the world I since have let go.
Really, though. I've said it before, and I'll say it once more- I love my life because I have nothing to look forward to. I have my freedom because I have no path in mind. When one does not pro-ject their being into the future, when one does not re-flect back to the past, they find their life moving rather quickly, their present action showing everything which they have amassed.
I told a boy I met recently this (and the one before him the same thing)- you know me just as well as anyone else in my life does. What you see right here is who I am. Yes, I have been different, and yes, I have stories to tell. Yes, I will be different, and yes, I do have dreams as well. But this is me, the person before you, nothing more could you ever see.