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By Jeremy M. - Posted on 01 June 2011


Deleuze Versus Bernard, A Conversation.



Bernard: I'm really tired tonight, but remind me to talk to you something about Riot Gamez


Deleuze: Hmm?


Bernard: http://www.riotgames.com/careers/development-intern


Deleuze: The majority of intern positions aren't telecommunication. I only got one because I applied for an actual assistant developer position, they liked me but I couldn't afford to move on what they could offer.


Bernard: oh

Bernard: lucky duck


Deleuze: Smooth talking duck.


Bernard: My parents always say that I don't seek opportunity

Bernard: but I think its because there is none

Bernard: here

Bernard: I wish I lived near a major city.


Deleuze: Same here. But you gotta work with what you got.

Deleuze: I mean, I'm a waiter for the time being.


Bernard: truth


Deleuze: I may have lost the love of my life for failing to progress, but I at least took notice from it.


Bernard: ya

Bernard: and more than likely

Bernard: I bet once your internship is over

Bernard: riot will make you an actual offer

Bernard: then you can be a cali guy


Deleuze: That, or it opens up a lot of doors in all of game development.


Bernard: california girls are unforgettable


Deleuze: lmfao

Bernard: ya


Deleuze: I only have one unforgettable girl, but that's okay. I always knew I would be a bitter lonely old man. ;) I was just living a dream for a while.


Bernard: ok Hemingway


Deleuze: Man I wish I could even say hello, or hell, 'let's get lunch'.


Bernard: why can't you

Bernard: that's why the internet is great

Bernard: you can psyche yourself up


Deleuze: Because she hates me for being worthless for those months.


Bernard: and set something in motion IRL


Deleuze: And I don't blame her.


Bernard: but you aren't anymore


Deleuze: I know she doesn't want to talk to me.


Bernard: Actually you don't


Deleuze: I wish I had some intermediary to talk to her.


Bernard: you can never know what someone thinks

Bernard: since we are isolated islands of subjectivity


Deleuze: You're right, I'm just going with what I think.

Deleuze: I COULD be completely wrong and she still cares about me too.

Deleuze: But I don't believe that's the case.


Bernard: and you could be totally right

Bernard: so you have to gamble

Bernard: that's what life is

Bernard: an educated gamble


Deleuze: I'm not throwing the dice.


Bernard: lol

Bernard: you throw the dice by walking out your front door


Deleuze: There was a point in time in which she needed me more than anyone else, and I came to her rescue. I wish she'd do the same for me. Just a call, just hello.


Bernard: you are the man Hemingway

Bernard: you need to call her


Deleuze: Deleuze may be big and strong but I'll be damned if I'm not lonely.


Bernard: you have to make the effort


Deleuze: Not at this hour, and not today.


Bernard: that's what being a man is

Bernard: I know


Deleuze: And probably not any day.


Bernard: ok now you've moved from Hemingway to Bukowski


Deleuze: I dated 2 other women in the passed year.

Deleuze: Didn't even sleep with those two.


Bernard: good


Deleuze: Couldn't have given a shit less about them.

Deleuze: They weren't interesting, smart, funny, quarky.

Deleuze: They were - bland.


Bernard: quirky


Deleuze: Sorry, thinking of particle physics.


Bernard: lol

Bernard: quarky


Deleuze: Why are you not in this channel?


Bernard: people are sleeping


Deleuze: olol


Bernard: plus I say smarter things if I write


Deleuze: The other day I cut off communications with some old friends of mine, mutual friends of her and I.


Bernard: jane and waltar

Bernard: Wal-Tar


Deleuze: Yeah. They stopped caring, calling. Hung out with her. Guess she's more interesting.


Bernard: well then you don't need them


Deleuze: All the more reason why she wouldn't want to be with me.


Bernard: psh

Bernard: you're an interesting guy


Deleuze: Not enough so in this case.


Bernard: you've done a lot of cool shit


Deleuze: Then you tell her that sometimes a shaman needs a bit of care too.



Bernard: HURP DURP.

Bernard: alright


Deleuze: That's what she referred to me as, in a metaphorical sense.


Bernard: I'll tell her you say hello


Deleuze: No need.


Bernard: and that you've become Bukowski


Deleuze: I told Jane and Walter to tell her hello already.

Deleuze: lol


Bernard: yea

Bernard: but she likes me


Deleuze: I need not worry about any of this.


Bernard: because I showed her the band “this is a stick up”


Deleuze: It's not my right to ask her to be unhappy again.

Deleuze: She's moved on.

Deleuze: People do that.


Bernard: yea


Deleuze: I'm just not one of those people.


Bernard: you'll get over her eventually then

Bernard: when you meet someone more interesting


Deleuze: For me you don't stop loving someone, you just try and live without them.


Bernard: and quarky


Deleuze: I won't.


Bernard: You will.


Deleuze: I promised her I was her, and she did likewise for me.

Deleuze: I refuse to break that.


Bernard: promises schomises

Bernard: now you are just being a tragic hero


Deleuze: It's who I am.


Bernard: your hubris won't let you move on

Bernard: good job Odysseus


Deleuze: At least there will be epics written of my fateful programming journey for millenia to come?


Bernard: By the way I am digging all the allusions I'm coming up with in this conversation

Bernard: Is World of Warcraft the programming interwebs version of the isle of the lotus eaters?


Deleuze: I could see the correlation.

Deleuze: My memory is terrible, you know that.


Bernard: its the one where you eat the flowers and you don't want to leave

Bernard: you get the epics and you don't want to quit

Bernard: fuckfkucckfkuffkckckckckckckc


Deleuze: But I remember as clear as day, May 30th of last year. Her in the flowing green dress crying. I held her, kissed her one last time. Told her, 'be happy, no matter the means.'

Deleuze: It was a beautiful sunny day.


Bernard: well you're not dramatic at all


Deleuze: I am, but it's beautiful in a bittersweet way.


Bernard: I think you've idolized that moment too much

Bernard: people do this a lot


Deleuze: I've idolized a lot of things.

Deleuze: But until I was off her road in my car, I didn't cry.




Deleuze: Even in our final moments I stayed strong for her.


Bernard: good

Bernard: you're a man


Deleuze: I wish she would do that for me.


Bernard: if she did she wouldn't be her now would she

Bernard: that's what people are dumb about

Bernard: they always say I WISH THIS PERSON WAS X.


Deleuze: No, she was that, at one point in time.


Bernard: if they were then they wouldn't be the person you are in love with


Deleuze: She's just not that person now.


Bernard: oh well that is different hten

Bernard: then*


Deleuze: She changed. Which is fine.


Bernard: hmm

Bernard: I'd say just focus on other things as much as you can

Bernard: remember when I always talked about girls I liked

Bernard: well I don't talk about that anymore even though its on my brain

Bernard: I focus on philosophy and reading and games

Bernard: and talking with people


Deleuze: I've tried to stop focusing for a year.


Bernard: things got a lot better

Bernard: only a year

Bernard: people get divorced and don't remarry for a decade in cases

Bernard: or never.


Deleuze: First people said only a few weeks, only a few months, only a few years.

Deleuze: My case will probably one of never.


Bernard: well you'll have your answer when you are on your deathbed

Bernard: that is when you get all the answers

Bernard: "will I ever travel Europe"


Deleuze: And I'll know at least I stayed true to at least one thing in my life.


Bernard: if you are on your deathbed you can checkmark yes/no


Deleuze: I can't betray my love.


Bernard: Chivalrous of you

Bernard: the thing about courage

Bernard: is it looks a lot like foolishness


Deleuze: I am. I'm very romantic, she can tell you that.

Deleuze: Doesn't mean it's smart, or right.


Bernard: the end result dictates whether its the former or the latter

Bernard: *shrug*


Deleuze: But if she's ever in dire straights, she'll know of at least one person. Her Shaman doesn't go anywhere very fast.


Bernard: lol

Bernard: tomorrow is a new day Deleuze


Deleuze: Every day is a new day.


Bernard: I always get these existential crisis at night


Deleuze: I do every day.


Bernard: most of the time its because you are tired so you don't feel like doing anything

Bernard: and you take an objective viewpoint of life instead of subjective

Bernard: thats why being alone sucks

Bernard: because you are unable to be subjective in viewpoint

Bernard: you are always objectively looking at life and judging it

Bernard: usually finding yourself lacking.


Deleuze: I'm surrounded by dear friends, they all tell me the same. Being single is silly for a handsome man.


Bernard: you could just go fuck random girls


Deleuze: But that's not my deal. I enjoy partying, I enjoy my psycamping, I enjoy social interaction - but there's only one lady I'd want for a relationship.


Bernard: sex=//=relationship?


Deleuze: The lady I fell in love with, drove 12 hours every other weekend just to go see for a few hours.

Deleuze: Sex doesn't require a relationship, but there's a difference between sex on a whim and sex on love.


Bernard: true

Bernard: lets play League of Legends



And they say my generation doesn't talk about anything worthwhile on the internet.



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