By Jeremy M. - Posted on 01 June 2011

 

Deleuze Versus Bernard, A Conversation.

 

 

Bernard: I'm really tired tonight, but remind me to talk to you something about Riot Gamez

 

Deleuze: Hmm?

 

Bernard: http://www.riotgames.com/careers/development-intern

 

Deleuze: The majority of intern positions aren't telecommunication. I only got one because I applied for an actual assistant developer position, they liked me but I couldn't afford to move on what they could offer.

 

Bernard: oh

Bernard: lucky duck

 

Deleuze: Smooth talking duck.

 

Bernard: My parents always say that I don't seek opportunity

Bernard: but I think its because there is none

Bernard: here

Bernard: I wish I lived near a major city.

 

Deleuze: Same here. But you gotta work with what you got.

Deleuze: I mean, I'm a waiter for the time being.

 

Bernard: truth

 

Deleuze: I may have lost the love of my life for failing to progress, but I at least took notice from it.

 

Bernard: ya

Bernard: and more than likely

Bernard: I bet once your internship is over

Bernard: riot will make you an actual offer

Bernard: then you can be a cali guy

 

Deleuze: That, or it opens up a lot of doors in all of game development.

 

Bernard: california girls are unforgettable

 

Deleuze: lmfao

Bernard: ya

 

Deleuze: I only have one unforgettable girl, but that's okay. I always knew I would be a bitter lonely old man. ;) I was just living a dream for a while.

 

Bernard: ok Hemingway

 

Deleuze: Man I wish I could even say hello, or hell, 'let's get lunch'.

 

Bernard: why can't you

Bernard: that's why the internet is great

Bernard: you can psyche yourself up

 

Deleuze: Because she hates me for being worthless for those months.

 

Bernard: and set something in motion IRL

 

Deleuze: And I don't blame her.

 

Bernard: but you aren't anymore

 

Deleuze: I know she doesn't want to talk to me.

 

Bernard: Actually you don't

 

Deleuze: I wish I had some intermediary to talk to her.

 

Bernard: you can never know what someone thinks

Bernard: since we are isolated islands of subjectivity

 

Deleuze: You're right, I'm just going with what I think.

Deleuze: I COULD be completely wrong and she still cares about me too.

Deleuze: But I don't believe that's the case.

 

Bernard: and you could be totally right

Bernard: so you have to gamble

Bernard: that's what life is

Bernard: an educated gamble

 

Deleuze: I'm not throwing the dice.

 

Bernard: lol

Bernard: you throw the dice by walking out your front door

 

Deleuze: There was a point in time in which she needed me more than anyone else, and I came to her rescue. I wish she'd do the same for me. Just a call, just hello.

 

Bernard: you are the man Hemingway

Bernard: you need to call her

 

Deleuze: Deleuze may be big and strong but I'll be damned if I'm not lonely.

 

Bernard: you have to make the effort

 

Deleuze: Not at this hour, and not today.

 

Bernard: that's what being a man is

Bernard: I know

 

Deleuze: And probably not any day.

 

Bernard: ok now you've moved from Hemingway to Bukowski

 

Deleuze: I dated 2 other women in the passed year.

Deleuze: Didn't even sleep with those two.

 

Bernard: good

 

Deleuze: Couldn't have given a shit less about them.

Deleuze: They weren't interesting, smart, funny, quarky.

Deleuze: They were - bland.

 

Bernard: quirky

 

Deleuze: Sorry, thinking of particle physics.

 

Bernard: lol

Bernard: quarky

 

Deleuze: Why are you not in this channel?

 

Bernard: people are sleeping

 

Deleuze: olol

 

Bernard: plus I say smarter things if I write

 

Deleuze: The other day I cut off communications with some old friends of mine, mutual friends of her and I.

 

Bernard: jane and waltar

Bernard: Wal-Tar

 

Deleuze: Yeah. They stopped caring, calling. Hung out with her. Guess she's more interesting.

 

Bernard: well then you don't need them

 

Deleuze: All the more reason why she wouldn't want to be with me.

 

Bernard: psh

Bernard: you're an interesting guy

 

Deleuze: Not enough so in this case.

 

Bernard: you've done a lot of cool shit

 

Deleuze: Then you tell her that sometimes a shaman needs a bit of care too.

 

Bernard: LOL WORLD OF WARCRAFT REFERENCE

Bernard: HURP DURP.

Bernard: alright

 

Deleuze: That's what she referred to me as, in a metaphorical sense.

 

Bernard: I'll tell her you say hello

 

Deleuze: No need.

 

Bernard: and that you've become Bukowski

 

Deleuze: I told Jane and Walter to tell her hello already.

Deleuze: lol

 

Bernard: yea

Bernard: but she likes me

 

Deleuze: I need not worry about any of this.

 

Bernard: because I showed her the band “this is a stick up”

 

Deleuze: It's not my right to ask her to be unhappy again.

Deleuze: She's moved on.

Deleuze: People do that.

 

Bernard: yea

 

Deleuze: I'm just not one of those people.

 

Bernard: you'll get over her eventually then

Bernard: when you meet someone more interesting

 

Deleuze: For me you don't stop loving someone, you just try and live without them.

 

Bernard: and quarky

 

Deleuze: I won't.

 

Bernard: You will.

 

Deleuze: I promised her I was her, and she did likewise for me.

Deleuze: I refuse to break that.

 

Bernard: promises schomises

Bernard: now you are just being a tragic hero

 

Deleuze: It's who I am.

 

Bernard: your hubris won't let you move on

Bernard: good job Odysseus

 

Deleuze: At least there will be epics written of my fateful programming journey for millenia to come?

 

Bernard: By the way I am digging all the allusions I'm coming up with in this conversation

Bernard: Is World of Warcraft the programming interwebs version of the isle of the lotus eaters?

 

Deleuze: I could see the correlation.

Deleuze: My memory is terrible, you know that.

 

Bernard: its the one where you eat the flowers and you don't want to leave

Bernard: you get the epics and you don't want to quit

Bernard: fuckfkucckfkuffkckckckckckckc

 

Deleuze: But I remember as clear as day, May 30th of last year. Her in the flowing green dress crying. I held her, kissed her one last time. Told her, 'be happy, no matter the means.'

Deleuze: It was a beautiful sunny day.

 

Bernard: well you're not dramatic at all

 

Deleuze: I am, but it's beautiful in a bittersweet way.

 

Bernard: I think you've idolized that moment too much

Bernard: people do this a lot

 

Deleuze: I've idolized a lot of things.

Deleuze: But until I was off her road in my car, I didn't cry.

 

Bernard: OH MAN THAT ONE MOMENT AT THAT THING WITH THOSE PEOPLE I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.

 

Deleuze: Even in our final moments I stayed strong for her.

 

Bernard: good

Bernard: you're a man

 

Deleuze: I wish she would do that for me.

 

Bernard: if she did she wouldn't be her now would she

Bernard: that's what people are dumb about

Bernard: they always say I WISH THIS PERSON WAS X.

 

Deleuze: No, she was that, at one point in time.

 

Bernard: if they were then they wouldn't be the person you are in love with

 

Deleuze: She's just not that person now.

 

Bernard: oh well that is different hten

Bernard: then*

 

Deleuze: She changed. Which is fine.

 

Bernard: hmm

Bernard: I'd say just focus on other things as much as you can

Bernard: remember when I always talked about girls I liked

Bernard: well I don't talk about that anymore even though its on my brain

Bernard: I focus on philosophy and reading and games

Bernard: and talking with people

 

Deleuze: I've tried to stop focusing for a year.

 

Bernard: things got a lot better

Bernard: only a year

Bernard: people get divorced and don't remarry for a decade in cases

Bernard: or never.

 

Deleuze: First people said only a few weeks, only a few months, only a few years.

Deleuze: My case will probably one of never.

 

Bernard: well you'll have your answer when you are on your deathbed

Bernard: that is when you get all the answers

Bernard: "will I ever travel Europe"

 

Deleuze: And I'll know at least I stayed true to at least one thing in my life.

 

Bernard: if you are on your deathbed you can checkmark yes/no

 

Deleuze: I can't betray my love.

 

Bernard: Chivalrous of you

Bernard: the thing about courage

Bernard: is it looks a lot like foolishness

 

Deleuze: I am. I'm very romantic, she can tell you that.

Deleuze: Doesn't mean it's smart, or right.

 

Bernard: the end result dictates whether its the former or the latter

Bernard: *shrug*

 

Deleuze: But if she's ever in dire straights, she'll know of at least one person. Her Shaman doesn't go anywhere very fast.

 

Bernard: lol

Bernard: tomorrow is a new day Deleuze

 

Deleuze: Every day is a new day.

 

Bernard: I always get these existential crisis at night

 

Deleuze: I do every day.

 

Bernard: most of the time its because you are tired so you don't feel like doing anything

Bernard: and you take an objective viewpoint of life instead of subjective

Bernard: thats why being alone sucks

Bernard: because you are unable to be subjective in viewpoint

Bernard: you are always objectively looking at life and judging it

Bernard: usually finding yourself lacking.

 

Deleuze: I'm surrounded by dear friends, they all tell me the same. Being single is silly for a handsome man.

 

Bernard: you could just go fuck random girls

 

Deleuze: But that's not my deal. I enjoy partying, I enjoy my psycamping, I enjoy social interaction - but there's only one lady I'd want for a relationship.

 

Bernard: sex=//=relationship?

 

Deleuze: The lady I fell in love with, drove 12 hours every other weekend just to go see for a few hours.

Deleuze: Sex doesn't require a relationship, but there's a difference between sex on a whim and sex on love.

 

Bernard: true

Bernard: lets play League of Legends

 

 

And they say my generation doesn't talk about anything worthwhile on the internet.