By Chris Cadena - Posted on 14 September 2010

 A PDF of this sensitive below document can also be downloaded at the bottom of this posting via an attachment. (It is recommended to read this document as a PDF for the full effect)

ANSELMIAN STUDENT SAFETY COMMITEE CONFIDENTIAL USE: EYES ONLY

Special Topic: Defending Dominic Hall From Zombies

It is a typical lazy Saturday at the St. Anselm freshmen dorm, Dominic Hall. Guys are lazing around on couches in their pajamas at three in the afternoon; while some are doing laundry, others are thinking about talking about how they should do some homework. While flipping channels in the dorm lounge, one guy finds something interesting to watch. His attention is caught by a news headline, “UNDEAD!” The reporter on TV states, “please, attention all viewers; breaking news! A nation wide crisis has hit America: the dead have reanimated and are coming back attacking anyone and everyone; they have turned into mindless cannibalistic beasts!” The channel flipper, becoming excited, calls his buddies to watch some new zombie movie he found on TV. Soon a horde of zombiephiles amasses themselves around the television in the main lounge. The viewers eagerly await the end of the faux news report so that the zombie horror film can delve back into the action. One of them gives props to the directors of the film for actually buying the rights to display “CNN” as the faux news company. As time goes on however, the news reporter just begins to talk about specific attacks in different parts of the country. Amongst the Dominic residents confusion begins to arise, one guy says, “Seems like some sort of TV special, like a new type of reality TV show.” Another says, “No, it can’t be fake. Or if it is it, it is a serious prank because that news reporter actually works for CNN!” Everyone pauses and looks into each other’s eyes; they all see the mounting realization of the truth; the day that every zombiephile at one time or another believed would come was finally here; the

 


ANSELMIAN STUDENT SAFETY COMMITEE CONFIDENTIAL USE: EYES ONLY

day that the dead rise from their graves to feed on the flesh of the living.

In a time of life threatening crisis, there are only two options to choose from, panic or doing something about it and surviving. The guys in Dominic are faced with this choice, some will panic while others will take action. In a zombie crisis keeping ones head is key, especially one in which those threatened only have a few hours to prepare. An effective way for the residents of Domonic dormitory to survive a large-scale zombie attack is to obtain the necessary supplies needed for survival and to prepare a defense and offence.

The first priority of the St. Anselm freshmen is to gather supplies: mainly food, water, weapons, and fuel (such as gasoline). In the face of a zombie uprising going to a grocery store and buying supplies is unrealistic as well as suicidal. Countless hordes of people will be ransacking stores for supplies in fear for their own lives. These pillaged stores will be a dangerous venture because of panicking mobs whose loud activity will act as a dinner bell for hungry zombies stumbling near by. Thankfully food can be gathered from the very rooms of Dominic’s inhabitants. Stockpiles of macaroni & cheese, ramen, candy, and various canned goods readily available; these should be gathered and moved to a secure location on either the third or fourth floor. All supplies should be gathered to the upper levels because the ground level will be barricaded. After food is taken care of water is the next necessity. All water receptacles in the building should be filled and stored in the same location as the food. This is especially important because though the dorm has sinks one cannot tell when the water will stop working in such a crisis. While food and water will sustain life, weapons will defend it. Direct

 


ANSELMIAN STUDENT SAFETY COMMITEE CONFIDENTIAL USE: EYES ONLY

contact with the undead is something to be avoided at all cost, however this is sometimes impossible, and in such cases weapons are a necessity. Dominic’s inhabitants should fashion home made bludgeons out of bedposts, as they are easy to make in a short amount of time. As well as food, water and weapons gasoline or some other sort of combustible fuel will also be a priority on the list. Gasoline should be siphoned from cars and stored in a secure environment away from the food and water so that in the case of an accidental fire all supplies are not lost. Gas is a crucial element in the offence phase of survival; however, before an offence can be established an impenetrable defense must come first.

A defense is essential to the survival of Dominic’s inhabitants, without it their fate entails a grisly end. Zombies are not smart enough to open closed doors, but they are very capable of smashing through them, which is why a barricade is needed to block all doors and windows on Dominic’s ground level. One zombie may not be able to break through the metal doors going into Dominic, but pounding droves easily could. Jamming bed frames into doorways is a quick way to create an effective barricade. As for the lower level windows there are far too many to barricade in such a short amount of time. The solution is to barricade all the doors leading into the rooms where those windows are located. The doors are much easier to barricade because they only require reinforcement with beds and desks. Once those doors are barricaded all stairs leading to the upper floors should be as well. The stairs are a crucial point to barricade because they are the last defense against the horde. Once a safe and secure shelter is procured, the freshmen can move onto creating an offence.

 


ANSELMIAN STUDENT SAFETY COMMITEE CONFIDENTIAL USE: EYES ONLY

Once the inhabitants of Dominic are shelled up in their fortified dormitory they can begin to focus on offensive actions. It is not a question of will zombies attack the dorm it is a question of when, and when they do they will be powerless to enter the building because of the barricades. This results in a collected mass of zombies out side of the dorm. The constant cacophony of pounding and moaning from starved zombies will undoubtedly take a psychological toll on those shelled up. This creates all the more reason to take offensive action. The gasoline that was previously stored should now be taken to the outer windows of the third floor. Gasoline should then be carefully poured out the window, as to not get any on the building, to douse the writhing mass of undead below. Then a simple lighter comprised of a burning piece of fuel soaked cloth should be dropped down. The fire will immolate the undead and effectively eliminate that particular horde. It is important to note that the effectiveness of this offence is entirely dependent on the quantity of fuel collected prior. When expecting more zombies more fuel should be reserved for later use. This method of offence is the safest because it maintains a distance between the survivors and the zombies, which is crucial against beasts like the undead, which have unrestricted strength.

In the face of a zombie uprising the obtaining of necessary supplies and preparation of a defense and offence is crucial to the survival of the inhabitants of Dominic dormitory. Food, water and fuel should be collected as quickly as possible before the zombies come into close proximity of the dorm. After supplies have been collected a defense should be immediately erected, as it is essential to staving off the onslaught of undead. Once the inhabitants are in a safe position they should begin to work on a fiery

 


ANSELMIAN STUDENT SAFETY COMMITEE CONFIDENTIAL USE: EYES ONLY

offense to end the moans of the tireless horde. Fighting the undead boils down to a waiting game: the victor is the one who outlasts the other; calculated decisions and a cool head are the difference between riding out the zombie horde or being eaten by them.

Author: Christopher Cadena Date Of Approval: April 19, 1990

 

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