Deleuze Versus Bernard, A Conversation.
Bernard: I'm really tired tonight, but remind me to talk to you something about Riot Gamez
Deleuze: The majority of intern positions aren't telecommunication. I only got one because I applied for an actual assistant developer position, they liked me but I couldn't afford to move on what they could offer.
Bernard: lucky duck
Deleuze: Smooth talking duck.
Bernard: My parents always say that I don't seek opportunity
Bernard: but I think its because there is none
Bernard: I wish I lived near a major city.
Deleuze: Same here. But you gotta work with what you got.
Deleuze: I mean, I'm a waiter for the time being.
Deleuze: I may have lost the love of my life for failing to progress, but I at least took notice from it.
Bernard: and more than likely
Bernard: I bet once your internship is over
Bernard: riot will make you an actual offer
Bernard: then you can be a cali guy
Deleuze: That, or it opens up a lot of doors in all of game development.
Bernard: california girls are unforgettable
Deleuze: I only have one unforgettable girl, but that's okay. I always knew I would be a bitter lonely old man. ;) I was just living a dream for a while.
Bernard: ok Hemingway
Deleuze: Man I wish I could even say hello, or hell, 'let's get lunch'.
Bernard: why can't you
Bernard: that's why the internet is great
Bernard: you can psyche yourself up
Deleuze: Because she hates me for being worthless for those months.
Bernard: and set something in motion IRL
Deleuze: And I don't blame her.
Bernard: but you aren't anymore
Deleuze: I know she doesn't want to talk to me.
Bernard: Actually you don't
Deleuze: I wish I had some intermediary to talk to her.
Bernard: you can never know what someone thinks
Bernard: since we are isolated islands of subjectivity
Deleuze: You're right, I'm just going with what I think.
Deleuze: I COULD be completely wrong and she still cares about me too.
Deleuze: But I don't believe that's the case.
Bernard: and you could be totally right
Bernard: so you have to gamble
Bernard: that's what life is
Bernard: an educated gamble
Deleuze: I'm not throwing the dice.
Bernard: you throw the dice by walking out your front door
Deleuze: There was a point in time in which she needed me more than anyone else, and I came to her rescue. I wish she'd do the same for me. Just a call, just hello.
Bernard: you are the man Hemingway
Bernard: you need to call her
Deleuze: Deleuze may be big and strong but I'll be damned if I'm not lonely.
Bernard: you have to make the effort
Deleuze: Not at this hour, and not today.
Bernard: that's what being a man is
Bernard: I know
Deleuze: And probably not any day.
Bernard: ok now you've moved from Hemingway to Bukowski
Deleuze: I dated 2 other women in the passed year.
Deleuze: Didn't even sleep with those two.
Deleuze: Couldn't have given a shit less about them.
Deleuze: They weren't interesting, smart, funny, quarky.
Deleuze: They were - bland.
Deleuze: Sorry, thinking of particle physics.
Deleuze: Why are you not in this channel?
Bernard: people are sleeping
Bernard: plus I say smarter things if I write
Deleuze: The other day I cut off communications with some old friends of mine, mutual friends of her and I.
Bernard: jane and waltar
Deleuze: Yeah. They stopped caring, calling. Hung out with her. Guess she's more interesting.
Bernard: well then you don't need them
Deleuze: All the more reason why she wouldn't want to be with me.
Bernard: you're an interesting guy
Deleuze: Not enough so in this case.
Bernard: you've done a lot of cool shit
Deleuze: Then you tell her that sometimes a shaman needs a bit of care too.
Bernard: LOL WORLD OF WARCRAFT REFERENCE
Bernard: HURP DURP.
Deleuze: That's what she referred to me as, in a metaphorical sense.
Bernard: I'll tell her you say hello
Deleuze: No need.
Bernard: and that you've become Bukowski
Deleuze: I told Jane and Walter to tell her hello already.
Bernard: but she likes me
Deleuze: I need not worry about any of this.
Bernard: because I showed her the band “this is a stick up”
Deleuze: It's not my right to ask her to be unhappy again.
Deleuze: She's moved on.
Deleuze: People do that.
Deleuze: I'm just not one of those people.
Bernard: you'll get over her eventually then
Bernard: when you meet someone more interesting
Deleuze: For me you don't stop loving someone, you just try and live without them.
Bernard: and quarky
Deleuze: I won't.
Bernard: You will.
Deleuze: I promised her I was her, and she did likewise for me.
Deleuze: I refuse to break that.
Bernard: promises schomises
Bernard: now you are just being a tragic hero
Deleuze: It's who I am.
Bernard: your hubris won't let you move on
Bernard: good job Odysseus
Deleuze: At least there will be epics written of my fateful programming journey for millenia to come?
Bernard: By the way I am digging all the allusions I'm coming up with in this conversation
Bernard: Is World of Warcraft the programming interwebs version of the isle of the lotus eaters?
Deleuze: I could see the correlation.
Deleuze: My memory is terrible, you know that.
Bernard: its the one where you eat the flowers and you don't want to leave
Bernard: you get the epics and you don't want to quit
Deleuze: But I remember as clear as day, May 30th of last year. Her in the flowing green dress crying. I held her, kissed her one last time. Told her, 'be happy, no matter the means.'
Deleuze: It was a beautiful sunny day.
Bernard: well you're not dramatic at all
Deleuze: I am, but it's beautiful in a bittersweet way.
Bernard: I think you've idolized that moment too much
Bernard: people do this a lot
Deleuze: I've idolized a lot of things.
Deleuze: But until I was off her road in my car, I didn't cry.
Bernard: OH MAN THAT ONE MOMENT AT THAT THING WITH THOSE PEOPLE I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.
Deleuze: Even in our final moments I stayed strong for her.
Bernard: you're a man
Deleuze: I wish she would do that for me.
Bernard: if she did she wouldn't be her now would she
Bernard: that's what people are dumb about
Bernard: they always say I WISH THIS PERSON WAS X.
Deleuze: No, she was that, at one point in time.
Bernard: if they were then they wouldn't be the person you are in love with
Deleuze: She's just not that person now.
Bernard: oh well that is different hten
Deleuze: She changed. Which is fine.
Bernard: I'd say just focus on other things as much as you can
Bernard: remember when I always talked about girls I liked
Bernard: well I don't talk about that anymore even though its on my brain
Bernard: I focus on philosophy and reading and games
Bernard: and talking with people
Deleuze: I've tried to stop focusing for a year.
Bernard: things got a lot better
Bernard: only a year
Bernard: people get divorced and don't remarry for a decade in cases
Bernard: or never.
Deleuze: First people said only a few weeks, only a few months, only a few years.
Deleuze: My case will probably one of never.
Bernard: well you'll have your answer when you are on your deathbed
Bernard: that is when you get all the answers
Bernard: "will I ever travel Europe"
Deleuze: And I'll know at least I stayed true to at least one thing in my life.
Bernard: if you are on your deathbed you can checkmark yes/no
Deleuze: I can't betray my love.
Bernard: Chivalrous of you
Bernard: the thing about courage
Bernard: is it looks a lot like foolishness
Deleuze: I am. I'm very romantic, she can tell you that.
Deleuze: Doesn't mean it's smart, or right.
Bernard: the end result dictates whether its the former or the latter
Deleuze: But if she's ever in dire straights, she'll know of at least one person. Her Shaman doesn't go anywhere very fast.
Bernard: tomorrow is a new day Deleuze
Deleuze: Every day is a new day.
Bernard: I always get these existential crisis at night
Deleuze: I do every day.
Bernard: most of the time its because you are tired so you don't feel like doing anything
Bernard: and you take an objective viewpoint of life instead of subjective
Bernard: thats why being alone sucks
Bernard: because you are unable to be subjective in viewpoint
Bernard: you are always objectively looking at life and judging it
Bernard: usually finding yourself lacking.
Deleuze: I'm surrounded by dear friends, they all tell me the same. Being single is silly for a handsome man.
Bernard: you could just go fuck random girls
Deleuze: But that's not my deal. I enjoy partying, I enjoy my psycamping, I enjoy social interaction - but there's only one lady I'd want for a relationship.
Deleuze: The lady I fell in love with, drove 12 hours every other weekend just to go see for a few hours.
Deleuze: Sex doesn't require a relationship, but there's a difference between sex on a whim and sex on love.
Bernard: lets play League of Legends
And they say my generation doesn't talk about anything worthwhile on the internet.